I'm currently writing a film, and one of my best friends is writing a play. The other day, we sent each other our opening scenes to give feedback. Another of my friends is writing a short film, and she recently sent her draft to our group chat to ask for our opinions. This all got me thinking about the concept of getting feedback from friends (and family), and there's a couple of questions in particular I want to discuss this week. Part 1: Why is friend-feedback so hard to ask for?Because it really is! And there's a lot of factors that go into that. Firstly, it's scary to put ourselves and our work out there at all- what if it's bad? what does that say about me?- but when it's to a friend there's usually added pressure because their opinion matters a lot to us. We don't want their belief in us to be proved misguided, or for them to look down on us for our work, or simply for them not to like it. Because if even your best friend doesn't like your work, that must mean it's crap, right? Obviously this isn't the case. No one project can appeal to everyone and just because it's not their thing doesn't mean other people won't like it. But the idea easily worms its way into our heads. Another factor is that creative projects are often very personal; we take emotions that we've felt, aspects of people we've met and situations we've been in and we use them to create something. Not only is it easy to feel embarrassed or scared about being vulnerable and exposing ourselves in this creative way, but our friends have usually been around us through these events, and sometimes can connect the dots of 'oh, so that situation in your writing is a bit like that thing that happened to you a while back that made you feel bad.' They'd never say it, but you'd know they knew where you got that from, which heightens the vulnerability. There's also a sort of stereotype about getting feedback from friends which is that they don't tell the truth and just say it's great no matter what. If you ask the right friend, they won't do this- even if they don't love your project, they'll point out why or why it's not for them in a constructive way, or just focus on the bits that they honestly liked. Even worse, we can think that we're imposing on our friends by making them read or look at our work, because we can convince ourselves that they don't care. Obviously, even though all these hurdles are valid and scary, they are pretty much irrational, and completely worth getting over. Part 2: Why does it even matter?Getting feedback from friends is so important for just as many reasons as it is difficult to ask for. One of the most important yet undervalued reasons is the simple encouragement and validation it brings- seeing your friends complimenting your work or congratulating you on your dedication to your project is wonderful, and seeing them get excited about something you made is one of the best feelings. This can help reinforce your belief in yourself and your work, and increase your enthusiasm for it; it proves to you that what you're doing is worthwhile, it isn't silly or a waste of time, and it's real. Discussion is also a great result of friend-feedback; when I showed my friend my opening scenes of my film, we had a chat about the setting of one of the scenes (it was in a coffee shop), and whether it was right for the characters, and for that matter precisely what kind of coffee shop we were talking about. It was fun, as was talking about various aspects of her play- lines I liked, and asking her plans for certain characters- and helpful for my writing. Talking about your project helps to clarify your vision and work through any issues you're having, and is also practice for if you ever have to pitch your project to professionals. Finally, if you're writing a film or book etc., find a friend who you think would like it if they saw it on Netflix or in Waterstones, and have them read it to get some target-audience-reaction. I have a friend who doesn't write, but has a similar taste in films to me, so I'll be asking her to read my screenplay when it's finished.
What have been your experiences with giving or receiving feedback to or from a friend?
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"After nourishment, shelter, and companionship, stories are the thing we need most in the world."- Philip Pullman Archives
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